I can't believe I met my ex once again. Truly, I wasn't very keen to see him again this time after all these years (6) during his travels in Europe and the U.K. from Brazil. But this year was different.
As soon as I knew he was coming I felt a funny feeling inside my gut. Like a good sense of anticipation to a test I have always failed but this time was sure I had an honorable pass in my pocket.
Indeed, our journeys have taken us in very different directions, although many times I felt He got the best of deals. After our ordeals together, he got what he always wanted; the security of a 5 start condominium, a new car, and lots of money to spend, attached to a rich hard working sugar-daddy who lives in Germany and demand very little from him in his enormous generosity. Something so real you can touch and smell. And I have to admit, many times I felt jealousy and envy.
From my perspective, and for many years I battled with my own body and mind, in a quest for balance, health and strength. Making sure my choices felt right inside my gut, my heart and my soul. Within my journey, I've had the opportunity and immense luck to have enjoyed the abundance of this world in a very different way. Financial success came out of homelessness and thanks to state benefits (2012) that allowed me for the first time in my life to not worry about survival. With such luck, my physical and mental health improved to an almost pristine level. My life became austere and simple and with it, I had the time to focus on my healing myself and slowly began to take baby steps out into the wild world, feeling strong, safe and secure. In such journey, I've had only one true desire and that is to achieve something so incredibly difficult that no one would consider to conquer. Not even me. But since I was placed on this path, surely by myself, I had then and now no other reason to live but to achieve natural, highly conscious balance and health. The reason why I keep choosing to stop HIV medication and treatment after only 1.5 years into it, and deal with my health from a holistic, natural point of view.
But I need to make a very strong remark here. – I can't just choose one healing method over another or condemn and judge one as wrong or evil and another as good and righteous, since it's my true belief that ALL ways of healing have a reason, a moment and a purpose. And all should be treated as equally important to sustain and promote healthy lives in this planet.
Technology has advance great length in the last couple of centuries, and it will speed up in the near future, and hopefully, companies and profit will not have so much say in the development of new technology as the real care and compassion for a better, healthier civilisation and world.
So, seeing my Ex this time gave me the opportunity to test what and who I have become. Am I truly satisfied and content with my choices or am I still resentful and jealous for what was taken from away and not given to me?
I could say wonders about my life as it is now, but the whole purpose of this blog, my new name, identity and energy is to express and share my experience, and if you have been paying attention, you know by now how I feel and think.
What I'm doing now/ reaching my highest potential/ stopping the HIV meds and holding my balance naturally, couldn't be conceived within a frustrated mind and out of fear or anger.
Love and life happens in harmony and today I am in love with my life and my body and mind agree with me, creating a perfect bond between us, healing us, and loving us.
And so it is
PS: That day when I met my Ex, he told me something I didn't know. The day I OD with a cocktail of drugs in 2007 after a year and a bit of being infected by him with HIV, during that exact time he experienced a nervous/mind breakdown. He, just like I did had a close to death experience (NDE) and whatever happened that day changed our lives forever. With one tiny difference. Whilst he tried to avoid thinking about that crazy-dangerous and very frightening episode, I couldn't stop thinking, meditating, bathing and breathing about it. My life became obsessed with the idea of higher consciousness, life purpose, spirituality and so on. Without that, I don't think I'd have the peace of mind and body I enjoy today.
And when my Ex expressed his tormented mind, still weak towards possessive thoughts, chem-drugs, and a double life lived between he who he wants to love and he who gives him what he wants to enjoy; then I knew for the first time, I had gotten the best deal. Not the easiest or prettiest but definitely, at this stage, the better deal. In peace and in harmony with all. SatNam 🙏🏽❤️🏆🥇🥈🥉
PS2: That night we ended up in bed dreaming of a life together, which thanks god didn't happen the next day. Lol
PS3: This encounter truly felt like the closing of a cycle. The kind of cycle that involved tragedy, illness and death. With empathic, compassionate eyes we looked at each other and wished for the best.