Why did I began taking retroviral treatment when I knew I had already healed my body, my mind and my spirit?
– RESPONSIBILITY. That is the key word. But can't deny, that releasing responsibility over my own health and put it in the hands of doctors and the pharma industry also played an important part.
Responsibility and tranquility in relation to others. Imagine having a set of beliefs completely different from the rest of the word. Is not easy at all. Specially when it comes to sex and intimate relationships.
For years I felt tainted, infected, damaged goods, and regardless of how possible I felt to be able to heal myself, still, found difficult to deal with the idea others may have of myself, my health and my honesty.
So why now? What is different now that I have taken again the resolution to stop taking medication and prove to myself and others the real possibility of healing HIV/AIDS in a combination of natural and spiritual healing and medical hardcore medication?
First, I feel to have now a lot more control over my body and mind. My life has been transformed and have very little, almost inexistent levels of darkness, negativity in me. Depresión, anxiety, addictions, insecurity, fear and even doubt has pretty much become "Undetectable" just like HIV in my body. One may say that in the case of HIV is thanks to the medication, and that may be true… to a point.
I believe the idea that everything is Energy, and Energy for me is Consciousness. And if everything is Consciousness, everything is structured as I am, in Consciousness. Sometimes unconscious, subconscious and other times conscious and very real.
In that paradigm, is where I base my theory of self-healing.
After all this years, 46.5 to be exact today. I believed there was something wrong in me, and the desire to not-be was a constant in my life. I wanted to die or not be here for as long as I can remember. Food, alcohol, and later drugs gave me the opportunity to avoid reality. Unfortunately, the highs of all those substances came with a price, a massive low. Getting fat, feeling ugly, feeling sick, depressed, sad, angry with myself and others, frustrated and diminished.
Thanks to HIV, I learn about life and love. First, in an overdose where I reached a point of no return, but from that point I also found the voice of my higher consciousness. And it was clear, strong and non-judgemental. That inner new voice triggered my curiosity about a reality beyond the conscious mind and what we've been told to believe by religion, politics, science, culture, and of course family.
Learning to forget what I thought to be real and beginning to give more importance to what I felt and knew inside to be more real to me, was by all means the result of my decision to heal myself. And with it, also show the possibility to rise above the current set of beliefs worldwide.
Today, I'm not an avatar, holy man, or superman. I am simply like you, average with the same desires and passions to make of this life the best of experiences. Since right now, it is all we have, and therefore all that is important.
The peace, the love, the connection, the expression of what we are right now is the only thing that matters.
I feel love and gratitude inside in my heart like never before. That love and gratitude serves me like a guarantee of health and balance.
Because all I want to do is to share my experience. And in my heart would be extremely cruel to come this far in terms of self-love to realise it's all a fantasy.
I feel my love to be real, my desire to excel myself and to reach new horizons in my mind, my body and my soul.
I believe to be able to integrate fully into this world of consciousness, our 3rd dimension of matter, time and space, not as a unity of hate and darkness for myself but of love and compassion to all.
What I'm saying here is that now that I have healed myself, i can serve as an example to those who also have within themselves the dream of love and of life and of light.
And so it is…